An Apology Letter To My Uber Driver Kevin

Hey Sunshine...
or should I say moonshine because that's ultimately what this letter is about.

Anyways, Kevin, I'm not sure if you remember me because I might just be one stepping stone in your Uber lifestyle but ultimately I owe you an apology for a lot of reasons. At the very least, I owe you an explanation.


Thank you for picking me up in your well maintained Mitsubishi Outlander. Can't say I've ever been in one of those hot rods before, but they're pretty nifty from what I can remember. This is me making uncomfortable small talk though. I'm not addressing the situation here.

Alright, so in my hazy stage of $1 vodka sodas, Jager bombs, and Lord knows what else I was apparently in high functioning mode. High functioning enough to remember to call an Uber though ( trying to catch kudos where I can) No, not functioning at all. I'm pretty sure I crawled into your back seat and laid down. Buckle up? More like buckle down because I am about to put you through the best lecture series you never asked for. 

I think I made it a solid 7 minutes of you chatting with my boyfriend about who the hell knows what. Thanks, babe, for taking one for the team on that one, at least for the first half of the ride. Well, something they said prompted me to open my eyes and look out the window. The moon was SO BIG. It was bright and beautiful. It wasn't a full moon, but a waning gibbous moon. 

To set some background for you, I have recently, RECENTLY, being the key word here, taken up an interest in the phases of the moon and astrology, and how they play a role in your daily life. I am no expert. I reference back to my guides all too often to be out there acting like I know wassup. 

Back to the car ride...

I am freakin wired now. I shoot up from my face smashed into the leather seats and wrinkled denim jacket around my waist, or shoulders? I can't tell. "The moon looks so big! It's so pretty! Do you guys know what moon phase this is?! It's a waning gibbous moon! Do you know what that means?"

*silence* Not for too long but I think I stunned them with my ability to come back to life.

"When the moon is in its waning gibbous phase that means you shouldn't start anything. It's a void moon. You should avoid starting any projects."

Not completely wrong, but that is only when a void moon is crossing into Aries should you avoid setting up projects.

Me: "You know what you should do when it's a full moon?"

Kevin: "Nope, I do not." 

Me:" You should avoid starting things. Like anything really. It's kinda like that whenever it's a void moon."

Kevin: "Oh. That's interesting." 

Rob: *laughing & watching me make a fool of myself*

That conversation went on like that for pretty much every other lunar phase. 

Please understand where I am coming from. You're picking up a girl who probably has a 2.0 rider rating because this scenario is not a one-time occurrence. I'm annoying; I get it. You're a trooper, so you get it. Not to say you're at fault here but you know what you're getting yourself into when you Uber around the strip at 2:00 a.m. 

I am sorry for my delinquency, and I appreciate you entertaining my additional commentary. You were a rockstar because instead of ignoring me like every other driver you listened to me and had somewhat of a conversation back with me. A part of me thinks I might've convinced you to look into the lunar phases of the moon to see how they affect your life... a tiny part of me. I won't hold my breath.