When Lizzo said, "It's a me myself kind of attitude," I felt that to the core during my single girl phase. However, some habits I acquired throughout that time I can now happily leave behind me. I'll be the first one to tell you that being single is great, but not all of the single girl habits you have in that time have business being in your new relationship.
Moving out of my single girl independent
only-looking-out-for-number-one phase has been a real brain bash for me. I had
my own apartment, my own job, my own health insurance, my own car, my own
student loans, and my own electric bill. As much of a pain as some of those
things were, they were mine. I was 100% responsible for every aspect of my
life. I decided what groceries I was getting for the week or if I had enough
nickels to run together to go out on a Saturday night.
To some, that sounds like adulting, but to me, that sounds
like independence. It took me a while to reach that point and I was so proud of
myself when I finally got there.
I recently moved in with my boyfriend and since then I
realized there were some extreme single girl habits that I needed to break…
Stop being so damn independent
I struggle between being a caretaker and inconveniencing
others. I do not like to ask for help and I do not like to feel vulnerable.
"I can do it" or "I've got it covered" are my top phrases
for the past couple months. Yes, Jordan. You have made that clear you can
handle it, however, you have another person who is willing to help you out with
anything. This relationship is 50/50 in all aspects. Let the man make lunch for
you or help you with the laundry.
Checking In
I'm not used to sharing my schedule with someone else.
Checking in? That's for relationships with no trust and short leashes.
Him: When will you be home?
Me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Mmm, not going to fly anymore!
Checking in isn't just about sharing your whereabouts, it’s
about asking someone how their day went. Apparently, that shows you care about
their life. *insert shrug emoji* Clearly, I had no idea! It has been so long
since I lived with another person that I didn't know to follow through with
these motions. It didn't even dawn on me that I should be asking these
questions. This habit still requires some practice, but I've grown accustomed
to checking in. It’s really just about sharing your day with a person — the
person you call when something great happens and the person you lean on when
it’s not so great.
It's not MY place, it’s OUR place
I loved being able to decorate my apartment with my own
things in my own way. I had 100% say in what was displayed and what was hidden
away. By no means is my boyfriend dictating in this aspect. He will let me put
anything up anywhere, so it's not like I have a lack of freedom, it is more so
an inclusive thing. I have to be considerate of what he wants on display as
well as what I want. I have to factor in any opinions he may have on something
we put together because this is his space too.
On the flip side, to this day, I still say, "I'm on my way to Rob's house," even though I LIVE THERE TOO. I struggle with calling it home because I have inserted myself into this home that he has built up. Until about three months ago, "home" was my apartment with my rug, my craigslist couch, my kitchen with my light that constantly flickered, my shower, and my balcony.
Breaking Up with My Regularly Scheduled Habits
Things may not be tailored to my schedule and I need to be
okay with that. We made this move so we could see each other more. Our
schedules are opposite, so obtaining those extra 15 minutes in the evening or
in the morning is something I have to be really mindful about. I know at the
end of the day I just want to sit down and watch Say Yes, to the Dress, but
instead, I want my happy relationship more than TLC.
Your relationship isn't asking you to change who you are,
but it is you simply allowing yourself to remove some toxic single girl habits
in order for you to see your relationship flourish. Stay true to yourself no
matter what your relationship status is; however, figuring out how to grasp
that independence while living with someone you can depend can be a whirlwind
of a ride!
These are such good points! It's crazy how independent you become in your 20's and may not realize it until you're living with someone!
ReplyDeleteCaitlin
LemonadePressBlog.com
Great post...! I was definitely the classic super independent girl... I won't say single because I found myself in a bunch of long distance relationships hahaha but still felt as if I were single! Now it's been almost a year of living with the boyfriend and a lot of adjustments had to be made, especially in the past few months as we went from a 2 bedder in Singapore to a studio in NYC. LOOOOOLLL
ReplyDeleteSuch a fun read! Its been a really long time since I've been a single girl but I still think we all need these reminders some times when we live with someone else.
ReplyDeleteGreat points. It was so difficult for me to figure out how to "get it all done" and how to spend the weekend, etc. when I first started living on my own. And now it's so habitual I don't think it'd be easy to change. And I genuinely wonder how people with kids get anything done at all--recently spent several weeks with my nieces and they were CONSTANTLY ON. I lost all the time that I regularly spend reading or watching Netflix.
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